Dating the wrong men
Why do great women pick people who treat them poorly? When you don’t get the love and attention you want, it may seem natural to give more.
Smart, beautiful, incredible individuals – who give 110% to a man who in return, are only half-vested, part-time, and approach the relationship with a “me”, not “we” mentality. You invest more – only to find yourself more disappointed, depleted and feeling insignificant with each attempt to create/repair the connection. Jeremy Nicholson calls the principle of “sunk costs”.
As a result, they have a lot of love (sunk costs) for their date or mate. Are you giving without expectation of receiving anything back in return? Or, is there a part of your giving that is rooted in the hopes you will get love and acknowledgement in return?
If there isn’t a foundation of love, respect and commitment with the person you’re dating, giving more and doing nice things will not cause them to love you more, it’ll only result in you becoming increasingly attached.
I remember it hurt; I don’t remember all the details. He was a fantastic liar, always changing his story so smoothly.
I recall a series of ups and downs, in which I felt completely inadequate as a relationship partner. He always made me believe in his intentions, before retracting his words and making me feel crazy for believing his previous sentiments would hold weight.
In the end, I hugged him goodbye and thanked him for dinner.
When he texted me the following day, I told him that, although he was lovely, it was probably best we went our separate ways.
Although I was technically there, I couldn’t force myself to actually show up for that date.
If you ask just about any relationship expert worth their salt, one thing that they are going to tell you is if you want to be in the relationship of your dreams (which is what I call “God’s best for you”), the first thing that you should do is step back and assess your past relational “nightmares”. It took being single (and abstinent) to be able to really see all of this for what it is; to be able to stop looking from “the inside out” and instead from “the outside in” of the cycle that I was in so that I could break it.
might be too strong of a word (perhaps), but if you’re past the age of 30 and you’re either single or divorced, you can probably admit that there were some relationships you experienced that were more like one long emotional roller coaster ride than a smooth sailing journey. So that I could stop dating the same person over and over (and over and over) again.
When you’re dating a man who is verbally abusive, and shuts down when you attempt to reasonably communicate with him, the problem is that you ACCEPTED him.
When you’re dating a man who has addiction issues, employment issues, and emotional issues, the problem is that you ACCEPTED him.I was sitting at the prettiest date restaurant, out with a guy I’d met several days before at a mixer.